14 Thursday Thoughts on Britney's Book
Thursday Thoughts
I bought the hardcover and read it in two-and-a-half hours. When Britney talks about her ‘fan connection,’ I promise you it’s very real. I’ve been Britney’s strongest, most loyal soldier since the summer of 1998, when I couldn’t get a ticket to see her open for 98 Degrees at Theeeee Great Allentown Fair. So, I waited outside the gate, hoping to catch her as she drove off. A red 10 person cargo van exited the gate, and through a tinted window I saw her wave at me (at us…at me). A laser beam shot from her soul into my soul and I honestly haven’t been the same since.
On to my thoughts about the book…
1. The virginity thing.
I was Britney’s core audience, an impressionable teen girl positioned perfectly at the right age, in the right time, and with the right access to internet and TV. She influenced me to sing, dance, wear pink, and get my belly button pierced. Her being a virgin or not never mattered to me. Her tying up her shirt didn’t turn me into a slut. I was too busy learning “…Baby One More Time” choreography from the EnhancedCD.
Even as a young teen, I could see specifically how media interest in Britney was driven by the perverts of the industry — both men and women — projecting their own appetites and fears onto her. By the time I became a Britney stan, I had thirteen years studying under Janet and Cher and Madonna and Fiona Apple (neither of whom turned me into a demon slut). But there was something about Britney. Something out of her control that made her their target. They didn’t stop until they fully extinguished the light out of her eyes. She didn’t deserve that. All the speculation around her body, her sexual identity, her sexual relationships, or her interest in wearing shirts that fit her body was just sick.
It was like the only reason why reporters were fishing for answers on the status of her virginity was so they could drift off as she answered, fantasizing about her teenage anatomy or about themselves being the first ones in.
Sigh. Anyway, she confirms she lost her virginity at 14 with a boyfriend and not later into her 20’s with Justin. Most assumed Justin was her first because after their breakup he was running his mouth. Which leads me to the next point…..
2. Abolish Justin Timberlake. Now.
I blame a lot of people for letting Justin’s “white chocolate’ era go too far and last too long. I’m personally brining up my grievances at the next Black People Meeting because it wouldn’t be right if we didn’t hold ourselves accountable.
I hope JC’s Meow Mix check has cleared and I am forever grateful for his rare resurgence back into public view this summer, but I’m gonna say what I’ve said no less than three times in this very newsletter which is I never want to see that band again.
3. A Shawn Mendes Gratitude Break.
Forever grateful to my handsome little bird for stealing Justin’s whole vocal flow and making a whole song called “Senorita,” which promptly pushed Justin’s 2003 song into irrelevance.
4. Did anyone else just remember the 1999 VMAs were held at The Met Opera?
They wouldn’t have been iconic if they were held anywhere else. Anyway, here I am lounging in the Belmont Room.
5. The Dancers <3
The book makes it clear how the systemic abuse worked to isolate Britney from friends and colleagues, including her dancers who were technically both. OG dancers like Nick, TJ and Tania were not just friends, but a social network she had consistent access to, no matter where the tour happened to stop. Overtime, her father’s control tactics, including NDAs and high-surveillance dance rehearsals, closed off whatever safe spaces they shared until there were eventually none left.
TJ on the mall tour:
(I fear he ate her up every time)… and TJ at a #FreeBritney rally:
Yes, I’m forever lurking. Yes, I have kept up with all these people for all these years. RIP Andre🕊️ ❤️.
6. It’s Never Too Late For Chicago.
Dear Britney, take this off your list of regrets. If this one can do it, so can you.
7. Remember All Saints?
Britney mentions Justin cheating with one member of the group, but didn’t say which one. Looks like Twitter answered that question for us years ago. (Spoiler: Nicole Appleton). “Never Ever” remains top of my playlist to this day, and my streams may have single-handedly kept the lights on over there, but not anymore. My charity stops today. 😔
8. At this point, Christina Aguilera is my “I don’t know her.”
She’s mentioned multiple times in passing, maybe just to show how long Britney has known her and how little camaraderie — even pleasantries — Christina has shared with Britney even as they existed in the same rooms and social circles.
9. Cher’s NoHo Apartment (Page 96)
Britney’s post-breakup NYC escape included living in a four-story apartment previously owned by Cher. This republished 1989 Architectural Digest story from Cher’s era of ownership did not disappoint. (Full article here).
“…but, I hardly left that place. One of the only times I did, a man behind me on the elevator said something that made me laugh; I turned around and it was Robin Williams.” (Page 96)
Sobbing.
10. Justice For Madonna. (Page 97)
It’s the way she imprinted on Britney and her off-stage mentorship and friendship. I gave Madonnerrrr her flowers while eulogizing Tina Turner, and I’ll give her flowers here again. Slap me if ever see me taking Madonna for granted.
11. RIP Splash (Page 103)
You really had to be there. 💦
12. …..S*rah S*lverman…… (Page 157)
Between the blackface, life as a Louis CK apologist, and the most unhinged zionist takes of the last week, I’m confused how this person is convinced she’s making it into any religion’s version of heaven. A woman who’s demanded grace and understanding every time she was rightfully being cancelled, even going so far as to cite “changing times” and her personal evolution while pleading her case, is currently on a revisionist, zionist tear hoping children die of thirst. An absolutely batshit, unfunny and un-evolved flop.
Anyway, back to Britney. As if we needed more to pile on, we get a Chapter 27 reminder of Sarah’s monologue from the 2007 VMA’s where she “roasts” postpartum Britney while calling her two toddlers ‘adorable little mistakes” to an audience of millions. Britney didn’t hear the joke because she was already backstage crying.
I would say boycott her but honestly I don’t know what she’s even got going on this decade.✌🏾.
13. Who is the mysterious TV doctor who was brought in to examine Britney? (Page 229)
In the darkest chapter of the book, Britney details barely surviving after being disappeared into a private “rehab” house in Beverly Hills. She discusses being examined by a “TV doctor.” Although she alludes to it being a “she,” I just can’t shake the feeling it may be super-quack Dr. Drew who continues to misdiagnose Britney on the regular for TMZ clout.
14. “Bless his heart” - Britney on Kevin Federline’s rap career. (Page 125)
I promise you no one’s pride will ever recover after hearing these words come from a southern woman’s mouth.
I’m listening on Audible. Can we have a portrait size version of that photo of you printed and put in a gilded frame please?
I'm planning to dive into the audiobook this weekend, but THIS is how I find out Andre died? I was literally OBSESSED with him on those early Britney tours, so sad!