Locking In (aka Turning 40) + Sinners + Luigi's "Not Guilty" Plea + JD Vance Killed The Pope, Right? + ICE vs. Judges + ICE vs. American Children + Cory Booker + Shannon Sharpe + Pascal vs. Rowling

Good morning from the 4th largest economy in the world!

For those who haven’t been hanging out in the Notes section of this app, I have some news. First, I turned 40 last week. Secondly, I bought a house. Literally got the keys on my birthday. If I was going to compare stress levels of the two, it was home buying that turned my eyebrows white and broke out my skin. Still haven’t been able to sleep more than 3 hours a night since Jan, but here we are. It wasn’t necessarily the #fires that kickstarted my partial L.A. exodus, but they did incite a tiny little meltdown. As you know.

They did make me realize that I was gonna be turning 40 within a few weeks of my lease ending, and that I needed to lock the fuck in. The lease to the overpriced apartment I kinda never actually really moved into. It was either, like, lock in or literally drive my car off the pier. So, yeah, I couldn’t spend the last 100 days rambling on TikTok about, like, Blake Lively and Coachella. I started with dreams and a moodboard and some cracked out fantasy about buying acres in the desert, or lovingly Under The Tuscan Sun-ning some dump back to life. That lasted about one realtor. Like, it lasted maybe a week of watching every house I wanted move into contract and disappear from Zillow. By the end of it, if it had a fucking door and accepted my offer, I was signing. And here we are. Mid century money pit era is upon me. Honey has a yard. Honestly, Honey has had the biggest come up of the year! Anyway, make sure to upgrade to a paid subscription to keep the Hornitos and Marlbolo Lights flowing over here until Amazon lets me add a “peaceful rested soul” to my wishlist.

Ok that’s all!

If Scorsese has DiCaprio, then Coogler has Jordan. It’s not that complicated.

Have I seen Sinners yet? No. Will I? Probably not. I don’t like to dabble in the dark arts too much (read: I get scared easily). However, I will still jump in to defend anyone Black who can self-enterprise their own work in Hollywood, on their own terms. Especially if I get to defend them against an industry still shocked that a billion-dollar-box-office director could somehow make a movie that people somehow would want to see.

• Sinners Inexplicably Shocks and Surprises Hollywood (Black Enterprise)

• Deion Sanders’ Son Get Picked Last In the CTE NFL Draft (USA Today)

• …and some random coach’s son steals his phone number to rub it in (X)

• Gigi Hadid Turns 30, Brings 50 Year Old Boyfriend Along (Vogue)

• Drag Race Star Jiggly Caliente Dies (IG)

• Can We Tear Up Sharon Osbourne’s Visa Instead? (X)

• Luigi Mangione Pleads Not Guilty (Vanity Fair)

• Save The Date: Gays Eating Garlic Bread In The Park Returns to Seattle (Reddit)

• Virginia Giuffre Did Not Kill Herself (BBC)

I know a witch when I see one.

Y’all, I’m so old I’ve lived through like three popes. Ain’t that a bitch. Also, to three more! [ Pope Francis Dies At 88 Just Hours After JD Vance Blinks Poisonous Eyeliner Dust In His Direction, Allegedly ]

Also…

Cory Booker’s egghead is in the New Yorker. With an illustration that kinda makes him like the Pope, actually, or some biracial rabbi. Anyway, don’t ever take advice from a man who can be paid to shut up and paid to lie. Don’t ever let a man who actively does both question YOU (or his colleagues) in your actions or your silence. Nearly every deficiency in our government — financial or moral — can be traced and tied to America’s bolstering of Israel’s colonial violence and ruthless genocide of Palestinians. The government’s ability to strategize on Israel’s behalf, while pretending they can’t figure out how to give you free healthcare. The immediacy of executive orders and funding by the billions, as your much needed relief stalls in congress. The reverence shown for war criminals during their visits to the White House, yet the silence when military veterans like Aaron Bushnell use their last breaths to “speak up.”

Elsewhere…

Republican conman George Santos gets 7 years in jail

ICE just deported three American children out of the country

They’re arresting judges now

Kidnapped Columbia University student Mahmoud Khalil misses the birth of his first child

Turns out ICE actually didn’t even have a warrant when they kidnapped him

Justice Department removes protections for journalists (reminder: US journalists as a whole directly covered up the deaths of 200+ of their Palestinian peers)

Sarah Huckabee Sanders better go ask the Waltons, or something

The US will find a way to kill Ibrahim Traoré shortly

My god someone please save the National Parks Service

Students Protest Yale’s “Bring Your Favorite War Criminal to Campus Day”

Maybe a quick Los Angeles spotlight while we’re at it…