Get Me Back To God's Country + The Beatles Movie + The Group Chat + The Tarrifs + Cory Booker's Filibuster + UN Aid Worker Executions + Single Dad Summer?
Supreme Leader King Donald J. Trump has decreed that TikTok will live to see another 75 days. Will you ever see me back on that app? Maybe. Honestly, every week I tell you I’m going to make a reapeparance and every week I don’t. Will you ever see me back on camera? I DONT KNOW. It’s not for lack of trying!
This week was the one year anniversary of me giving birth to #HoneyBaby (paying $122 to adopt her) and bringing her home. There still is no sign of her slowing down on the chaos. She’s in the middle of a biblical spring shed so anytime I open my camera, and I realize that there’s dog hair everyhere, I stop recording and go on a cleaning spree and forget about the #content.
I’ll be back though. Soon. Once I get a full Korean body scrub, a manicure, my brows tinted, my sew-in done, a maintanence round of laser hair removal, my teeth whitenend, and find someone to take that gigantic brush that comes down in the car wash … but then can recreate that with a gigantic lint roller so I can finally rid my body, face, mouth, lungs, eyelashes, mattress, and car from the #HoneyBlizzard currently wreaking havoc.
Anyway…
Us #George Girls Don’t Deserve This (BBC)
Man Behind Iconic White Lotus Theme Song Quits (The Independent)
Now Playing: The Group Chat™️ (SydneyJo)
Val Kilmer Dies (THR)
Saving Altadena’s Downed Trees From A Mulch-y Fate (LAist)
The Knot’s Got A Vendor Scam? (@jont via The New Yorker)
I’ve Been Saying This About L.A., But Now We Have A Name For It: “Permanent Traffic” (SF Chronicle)
They’re Trying To Fry My Baby (@blackbeltbabe)
Baldoni’s Lawyer Says This Is A Topic Blake Lively “Sidestepped For The Entirity Of The Film Campaign” (TMZ)
“Oh shit.” - Gary Friedman, CEO of Restoration Hardware
No shock here. Gary is the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company that’s fully dependent on a global import scheme, and, with thousands of jobs under his watch, was dumb enough to vote for a Stable Genius who promised to tax and tariff his industry into oblivion. If I’m being honest, Gary seems less shocked at his crashing stock price, and more …aghast?… that a consequence actually showed up at his door. Bring back DEI. Black and brown people deserve to run companies into the ground and walk away with guaranteed bonuses and golden parachutes too!
Anyway, just to recap, someone in the White House asked OpenAI to generate a recommended tarriff hierarchy and apply it to every country on earth except Russia and Israel, because of course2, and $6 TRILLION DOLLARS plunged in the stock market and Vanguard emailed all of us begging us to not panic and to definitely please not try to cash out our absolutely decimated 401Ks or anything.
Dave Portnoy, a claymation faced man behind Barstool Sports and fervent Trump supporter, tweaking because he lost $7M.
Joe Rogan can’t believe that what he voted for, and what he made millions of dollars telling other peopel to vote for, is actually happening.
Heard Island and McDonald Island, Australian terriroties of, like, Antarctic volcanic islands inhabited penguins and seals is on the tariff list.
Jeanine Pirro, mostly known for being a mess, makes $3M a year and “doesn’t care about her 401k” …because saving paycheck pennies for retirement is only for the poors.
Elsewhere…
Cory Booker walked away from his record-breaking 25 hour fillibuster, a stunt that had Blue MAGAns across the country drooling, and went right to voting against a resolution