20 Days Into 2025

[ICE agents can't enter your home without a valid search warrant or your permission. An ICE warrant of removal or arrest warrant alone is NOT enough to enter your home. ]

Where do we start.

Day 20 of a month chaotic enough to be its own year.

A terror attack in New Orleans. A Honey attack in Griffith Park. New Year's Day. Los Angeles on fire. A ceasefire. Red Note. A TikTok ban. A TikTok un-ban. Meta’s takeover. The inauguration. I blame myself. I couldn’t find black-eyed peas for New Years and I blame myself.

It might actually be. (Reuters)

Anyway, Inauguration Day was a very busy day for America’s billionaire big boys, and their doms.

Wait, you didn’t notice? The no-nonsense ice queens, the #hotwives, and the mysterious shadow players who inexplicably partner with these mostly unappealing men? These most “powerful” men in the world who can barely form a fucking sentence in public without twitching, drooling, or panic blinking? The ones who lack charm, machismo, masculine sense¹, who at 5’8” tower above nothing?

These are projects, not husbands. Musk being the one most obviously — most desperately — in need of a well supervised time out.

But, there they are. All well trained, sitting quietly, plugged up or in some sort of cage, I don’t know. Did I just summon the spirit of Dan Savage into this newsletter? Village Voice-era Dan Savage.

There’s the OG, Melania.

Her willingness to publicly humiliate that man with affection control is her only semi-applaudable trait. Still, it is not enough for me to wish a tennis pro, or hot landscape architect blessing on her. White women from TikTok will say I’m a “mean girl” for my next statement, but I’d like to send her and her man both off to The Hague.

… they might go up to her shoulder.👀

I imagine him begging her in, like, 2020 to let him give up, to let him stay home and retire. Begging for time to soak his 78 year old knees in an epsom salt bath, to finally retire and learn to sail, like he promised his father, or something. I imagine Trump walking in the door late night on July 14, his ear taped up and his heart racing, begging that woman to let him just please stop. I couldn’t think of a worse punishment, of a worse soul debt, than to be in charge of this country. Than having the broken-brained-ness that would ever consider the thought. The children you have to poison for the sake of Pfizer’s future. The American Presidency is a guaranteed one-way ticket to hell.² But, maybe smoking cigars with Reagan’s ghost while the J. Edgar Hoover demon performs Gwen Verdon’s Roxy Hart, in full drag, off key and on repeat, is his idea of heaven.

She carved him from stone, gave him a regular spray tan schedule, gave him purpose and spends his money. 10/10.

If a 7 foot statue isn’t the ultimate #tribute for #Goddess, I don’t know what is.

---

What the fuck roadkill toupee Temu synthetic shit am I looking at here.

• Eric Adams will be free to terrorize us with a 2028 Presidential run, that’s for sure.

• It was 15 degrees in DC and Fetterman was in shorts. Remember, he only dresses up in suits when Netanyahu comes to town.

• I don’t have footage of what the TRAITOR Gavin DeGraw was up to last night, but I’ll drop it in the chat when it shows up.

Oh, by the way, someone tell the ADL that this *is* a Nazi salute.

Everybody please be for real right now. And sell your Hitler Wagons, I mean…Teslas.

They don’t seem to think it is. Neither does The Failing New York Times™, who falls right into line as expected:

I PROMISE YOU, NEW YORK TIMES, NO ONE IS “SPECULATING.” WE KNOW. (NYT)

---

Let’s recap on some executive orders. Full list (so far) here.

• Trump just withdrew the United States from the World Health Organization.

• Trump just withdrew the United States from the Paris Climate Accord.

• Trump is expediting security clearances literally for anyone who wants one, no checks, no processing time.

• Birthright citizenship.

• Gender identity, and DEI.

• Goodbye to #justice and #accountability for, like, 1,500 January 6th terrorists insurrectionists. It’s pardon time. Law, and order! Right? Oh, wait…³

“Hello…” though, to everybody who’s going to engage in the soul-crushing task of suing that man and his administration continually over the next four years.

---

Anyway, y’all, learn to fight, buy a gun, or sword, and prepare hide your neighbors from ICE. The revolution will not be intellectual, and it won’t be meme-ified. I might even regret the top half of this newsletter. Maybe not.

1. Is that an oxymoron.

2. (Yes, even for Jimmy Carter).

3. (Yes, that last one includes Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio).